Mum's Gone to the Musicals – Whores and Dorothys

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I’m living a life in musicals at the moment. As all of you must know by now, as I’ve gone on about it frequently enough, I’m rehearsing for a local production of The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas. We only have one week to go before opening night so I’m living and breathing the bloody show on a continual loop.

Yesterday we had a rehearsal from 10am to 4pm: two hours of singing in the morning followed by a complete run through, with costumes, in the afternoon. I came home spent. It’s hard work being a hooker. The high-heeled F**k Me boots are fastened with big press-studs so I’m bent double trying to do them up. Suspenders and stockings are fiddly, particularly when the costume change is a quick one: I lose all fine motor skills in the panic.

I had a wardrobe malfunction whilst sitting waiting for my first entrance yesterday; I caught the zip from the sleeve of my jacket on my fishnets and no amount of prising could release me. A couple of willing stage hands bounded over, eager to assist. After a couple of awkward minutes with them fiddling about with their heads bobbing about in my lap, I shooed them away and yanked the zip, tearing a big hole in the fishnets, which actually added a tad more authenticity to the overall outfit.

I came home, aching all over. We do one dance which involves a great deal of stretching and back-arching. My joints and muscles just don’t do ‘bendy’ any more so I do suffer afterwards. Thankfully a stiff G&T and a hot bath did the trick.

I followed this with a dose of Dorothy. I am in awe of these young girls hoping to star in The Wizard of Oz. It’s so easy sitting at home to be critical and picky but all of these young women are fabulous. Let’s hope they all find success in the future. I am a real sucker for these shows: I soak up all the nonsense, the ‘journeys’, the ‘dreams’, the ‘best experience of my life so far’ (you’re 18, of course it is!).

I was mulling over with Hubby last night as to what show Andrew Lloyd Webber will choose next for a reality show. I thought my own show, Whorehouse, would be brilliant, looking for a new Madam. “And here are all the whores at the Hooker House”. This could be a possibility as I have read that the writers of Legally Blonde have been asked to write an updated version of our musical.

However it really needs to be a male one: it’s been a while since Joseph. The conversation got very silly last night as I suggested Jesus Christ Superstar. Imagine Graham Norton introducing the 12 Jesuses……your task this week, and we’ve come down to the local swimming pool…… ring now to save your favourite Jesus.

The young lads would be saying…I’ve always wanted to be Jesus, it’s my dream…..I really think I could be Jesus.

The idea of ours was finally side-lined as we realised that saying goodbye to Jesus each week might involve a crucifixion. Surely not.

Have you any ideas which musical should be next for the Dorothy/Maria/Joseph treatment?


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  1. diney

    May 10, 2010 10:06 am

    We are AVID watchers of the Dorothy and Toto search, and feel that a mistake may have been made in rejecting Jess, although she can be a little irritating in her overly stagey manner at times, but Judy Garland was not as vacuous as Danielle.. We often have the same conversation about which musical Cameron Mackintosh should revive and, as we both appeared in it when in our 20's, possibly The Boyfriend and they could serach for both leads, or The Pajama Game. I will come up with a suitable one for a male – maybe Topol. My daughter going for an audition for Oliver next week so our house is filled with Food, glorious food and Where is love! Break a leg in your run – I can only imagine how much rolling of eyes is going on from your son!!!

  2. deer baby

    May 10, 2010 10:13 am

    Love the idea of the crucifixion send off! Trish – how blasphemous of you!!

    I'm a big musical fan (Sondheim mainly) ALW not so much. Grew up on Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Carousel, Oklahoma, The Boyfriend (like Diney)West Side Story.

    But I can't think of one single one I'd like to see on TV. Must think harder.

  3. Trish @ Mum's Gone to...

    May 10, 2010 10:36 am

    @Steve – priceless! That even beats my crucifixion idea.

    @Diney – I played Babe in The Pajama Game a few years ago: fab show if not that well-known now, though the main song 'Hey There' was a huge hit at the time. Best of luck for your daughter's audition. My son is relishing the thought of coming to see me nest week….NOT!

    @Deer Baby – my mum fed me a diet of Carousel and Oklahoma so they are real favourites with me. West Side Story would be good as I don't think they've done it for a while – they could search for Tony and Maria and call it "There's a Place for us"?

  4. Trish @ Mum's Gone to...

    May 10, 2010 10:42 am

    @Silver Web – I've just realised who you are! Jane! Have been for a nosey on your web page: fabulous jewellery.
    Will need to bend the committee's arm then – seems Me and My Girl got lots of votes (though we may not get the licence to do it) x

  5. Expat mum

    May 10, 2010 2:07 pm

    Godspell is a better "Jesus" one to do I think. Loads of actors and singers got their break in the original musical. (I used to have the tape with Jeremy Irons as John the B, I think.)

    Or perhaps Rent? (Or not.)

  6. Trish @ Mum's Gone to...

    May 10, 2010 2:18 pm

    @Expat Mum – I saw a recent touring production of Godspell in Peterborough. Jesus was played by Stephen Gately (only a few months before he died) and the fabulous Ryan Molloy (now award-winning lead in The Jersey Boys) as John the Baptist.
    Your idea of Rent is a cracker. Can you imagine the sobs stories…"I really think I can be a rent boy, I've dreamed of doing this all my life". Graham Norton would have much fun with it!

  7. Crystal Jigsaw

    May 10, 2010 3:13 pm

    I admire you for doing this production, I've always wanted to go into acting but have never really had the confidence. I did a few am-dram productions when I was in my teens and funnily enough I played a hooker-type then (I was 18!).

    As for the girls in Over The Rainbow, they are wonderful, talented, confident and all deserve to go much further. I hope they do. I have my faves. The Lord may choose to do something completely different next time; I always think he's rather eccentric!

    CJ xx

  8. Trish @ Mum's Gone to...

    May 10, 2010 3:58 pm

    @Crystal Jigsaw – it's never to late to put the greasepaint back on again!
    I agree, all the girls are so talented, I feel bad sometimes picking favourites. ALW is certainly a bit batty, in a lovely way. Out of all the judges his comments are so constructive but always polite and upbeat.
    Keep wondering what he might do with the sweaty shoes the girls hand him every sunday night!

  9. libby

    May 10, 2010 6:52 pm

    Trish, I thought the same thing about the sweaty shoes!.
    I love musicals too and could watch them all over and over (especially Unsinkable Molly Brown, Sweet Charity, Chicago, Calamity Jane, Singing in the Rain, Funny girl etc.,)and watching Dorothy each week is beginning to be quite a nervy experience as more and more girls go….

  10. Trish @ Mum's Gone to...

    May 10, 2010 9:07 pm

    @Libby – they just seem so young to have this public critique week after week. On the plus side, if they can handle this and appreciate all the fantastic training and recognition they've had, it's probably worth it.
    (out of your list I love Calamity Jane – I played the part of Katie Brown in 2008 – very happy memories of that show)

  11. TheMadHouse

    May 11, 2010 12:57 am

    Break a leg Trish. Me and the minimads love dorothy and have watched all the previous ones. But I am anoid, they are all such young girls and I feel that they overly sexualised them all. For Example Jessica was doing a Mary Poppins song, so why the tiny tiny dress – arggggggggggggg

    I am trying to show the boys not to look at all women as sex objects, so dear BBC, these girls are jailbait, please dress them more appropriatly

  12. Trish @ Mum's Gone to...

    May 11, 2010 6:25 am

    @The Mad House – We think the same here – they wear skimpy skirts no matter what song they are singing: often the poor girls look very awkward with extremely high heels which would they would never wear in the theatre anyway!

    @Modern mother – yes, I'm a bit of an am-dram musical luvvie. All at a local level, mind! I know my limits x

  13. notwavingbutironing

    May 11, 2010 3:24 pm

    Now what's this I read over at ELS's blog about you doing a voice ad for Elaine Paige's Radio 2 show (which I quite often find myself listening to at the weekend while washing up)? Apologies if you've mentioned it before – I am a bit slow. But if you haven't – WHY NOT?? PLUG YOURSELF! (Oooer missus, etc).

  14. Trish @ Mum's Gone to...

    May 11, 2010 3:43 pm

    @notwavingbutironing – I've tweeted it and put it on facebook. Will put a quick post up on Friday then, if you insist. Though I suspect you'll all be doing your weekend washing up and the buggers will leave me out. But I have done it in a Texan accent so for novelty value they may include me.

  15. notwavingbutironing

    May 12, 2010 8:32 pm

    So that's how I missed it – I'm going to have to 'get down with' this tweety thingummyjig. Will be listening out for it, in between Lloyd Webber numbers. And good luck with the opening night. x


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